So here I am. I've been here before. This moment is not new to me. This is the moment where people watch me and wait. The moment that homeless haters wait for. This is the moment where people give up on the homeless. I've been waiting for this because I've seen it before. This is the point where people will ask "so.... you chooooose to be homeless" depending on my next set of moves. This is the most hated question ( in my opinion) on the topic. "So you chooooooose" to be homeless. People ask this question with finger ready to point. If I say "yes" they win, and the circle of homeless stereotypes continues. If I saw "no" then I have to explain that and watch while people pick my answer apart and try to figure out a way to call me a "lazy bum". How do I know this? I've seen it time and time agine. Not at me but at others! This is my moment! People will point there fingers at me.... and judge me with no understanding. The time has come!Luckly, I've thought about this post much. I have figured about a way to explain (kins of). I can only hope that people will understand this scattered brained notion of mine.
Ask me "Homelessrob, do you chooooooose" to be homeless?
Answer: "yes"...... and "no"!
Let me explain:
The "yes" first:
I've been here before, meaning that over the last couple of years that I've been fighting my own personal homelessness I've at times found myself with a roof over my head and a job. This is where I am at now. This is where I have found myself a few times in the past. I usually get here the same way via help. However, at least once I did it on my own (with a little help). I've been off the streets now for about a month and a half holding down my job for the exact same amount of time ( I got both the same day ).
Now to a lot of people "problem solved". However for me it's a little more complicated then that. For me it was never just about getting off the streets. It's about moving ahead and my ability to do that. This is why I have my goal (kids, house, car). If I stay where I'm at I'm stuck. I'm living a life that is not me. I have to be moving ahead. Where I'm at now, although is defiantly a step in the right direction and a true blessing, my ability to move ahead is the real question. I can not allow myself to get stuck. I can not allow myself the ability to say "I'm homeless with a roof over my head" which is where I'm at now. This is the same place where many homeless people are left after they make it off the streets (I'll explain that later).
This is the moment where in the past I've started to question everything, and this what I say to myself (in this order):
" OK, I'm off the streets and with a job, this is great"
then
"OK, I'm getting by but it's by the skin of my teeth so I'll have to figure out a way to eighter minimize my life style or make more money, has to move ahead"
then
"OK, I'm doing everything I can right now but I'm still in a rut.... I'm not moving ahead. I'm finding it hard to put myself into a position where I can move ahead into a life of security where I'm actually living a life that represents my age (33)"
then
"OK, I'm homeless with a roof over my head."
then
"Homelessrob, if you minimize any more you will be on the streets"
the
"This is not working...... I can't find away to get ahead"
then
"Mabey if I move I will find what I'm looking for somewhere else"
then
"I'm not new to the streets"
then
"I might has well hit the road because this is getting me no where fast.... I'm wasting my time and I want my life back"
then
"I should save some money and move.... I'll be on the streets... but that's easy now and at least I'll have some money"
then
" I should go with that plan and just consider this a stepping stone to that I hope will be better"
then
"Start planning on where I want to go and how I'm gonna deal with street life once I get there"
then
I DO!
It's easy for me to do this. There has never been anyone around to ask me about it. Why? Because once the "problem is solved" no one is ever around.
I do have to say that I think a lot of homeless people do this. It is a very easy thought process. For me... I did not know I was thinking like this for a long time. I had to go through it a few times. This is the one thing I'm looking to change now. If I do nothing else... I must change this portion of my brain. Now, is the time for that. I have to accept that this has been my thinking over the past few years and this has got to stop, now.
This process of thinking goes well with homelessness. Homelessness is NOT a black and white problem. Homelessness is full of color and different dynamics and this process is one of them. This is (in my opinion) a very large reason that people fall onto the streets multiple times. An inability to recognize this (form homeless people and unhomeless people alike) is also one of the many tricks that homelessness offers. Can't fight what you can't see. I see it now!
So, this is why I say "yes". At time I have choooooooosen (I'm writing "choooooooose" like that because it always seems to come out of people like that. Almost has if they want me to know that my homelessness is my fault) to render the streets has my home. The above is why!
Now the "no"!
NO, because if I was never homeless in the first place I never would have these thoughts. I did not chooooooose it. It found me and made its move!
Now I know many people will go right to the "why" here!
Because you asked "why" I'll tell you. Does it matter? Honestly, if you don't know but now that it happens to people for a whole verity I don't know what to say.
I'll just give you a list of reasons!
Starting with the most common ( for the black and white thinkers).
"gambling"
"drugs"
"alcoholism" (once more you do not have to be homeless to be an alcoholic or on drugs)
And now a few reasons that are understandable. However not so commonly thought of.
"human trafficking" ( I'm just now finding out that in fact that is a very large problem in way of homelessness)
"property damage" Yes, a tornado tore down your home and no one would take you in. Happens every year, somewhere in America. Look into it.
"bad investments" Yes, I'm saying you lost all your money in the market. Happens all the time. Look into it.
"relationships" This (in my opinion) is more common then people think and it seems to me to be directed at women mostly. I have seen a few times where a long turn relationship that want south rendered a woman on the streets.
"youth" that speaks for itself. I could probably gather more then several reasons a youth would find comfort in the streets or somehow wind up there.
I don't know if I told you this story. It's actually my friend DD's story and you would hear him talking about it in the vid I posted a few blog post back. I asked him "what the shortest amount of time you have spent getting someone off the streets".
He replied "3 hours".
Then told me:
The homeless in this case was a mentally challenged kid. His mother, how had raised him his whole life, died. In an attempt to support himself..... he failed! Soon after him mothers death he was on the streets. The reason that it was so easy for DD to help him was because the kid had all his paperwork and documents together and found luck in someone willing to help him. How quickly this story could have turned into....... 10 years later.... "hey, look at that crazy, lazy homeless guy on the streets, he choooooooooses to be here.
I was talking to a friend not to long ago. She was having problems and was a few weeks away from having no where to go. I think she said she was having problems with a crazy landlord (another story I have heard a few times). She said to me...... "Homelessrob, I have over 800 Facebook friends and no one will help me". Yes, I hear this ALL the time. My my how fast people will turn away from you ... even before you are homeless.
A old woman told me almost the exact same story. The only difference was that she was older. However, she was confused about how people could treat her like they never know her after she had spent all her life helping out others in her home town.
Storys like this are all over the place. People fall into homelessness for a lot of different reasons. More then I could probably tell you.
So ask me agine...
"Homelessrob, so you choooooooose to be homeless"
Yes, in an tempt to fix my life starting from nothing I have a few times chooooooosen to hit the streets. However, my better answer is still "no" because if it had never happened in the first place hitting the streets would have never been an option. Homelessness made it so, not me!
I'm grateful that I figured this out with in myself now. Because now that I know I can make changes.
I have right now no intentions of packing my bags and seeking about a new life on the streets with hopes of finding a better life in which I have an ability to move forward.
I'll just keep working on what I'm doing now and hope someday these doors will open.
I will say one last thing though. This blog has done a lot for me. Every day I hop on and do work to help with this homeless cause and it seems like every day my fight on it moves ahead. Every day I seem to get stronger and stronger. I think having at least one thing in my life that is moving ahead help me.
My followers and friends have given me that. This blog might just be the things that keeps me from making another bad move.
THANK YOU, FRIENDS!
Look, this is my brain on homelessness! O NO!!!
http://www.facebook.com/HelpfulMarketer?ref=hl
and see the cool things I'm doing now!
3 comments:
Rob,
I have been reading you since day 1 and I have never thought you were a "lazy bum"
Haters hate and finger pointers point,,,at everyone but themselves.
Some day if only they hated themselves and pointed at themselves we may see a better society coming through the clouds.
BUT that is why they hate and point,,,so they NEVER have to look at themselves.
Takes ALOT of guts to have to do stocktake on yourself everyday and call the shots as you see them.
Crap I'm not even game to do a stocktake on myself.
I have become comfortable and lazy.
Greedy in a way and also find myself pointing fingers some days.
YOu keep up your good work, your blogs and never mind the haters and pointers (they have their own issues to deal with)
Kellie
Hi Rob, I read your article in the St. pete paper. Well, I can relate to you so much. I thought any day at times that I was going to be homeless too. What is crazy about my situation is just 4 years ago, I had a house worth $375K that I sold before the ecomony tanked. Anyways, I can truly relate in so many ways. I would wonder if people knew I was so poor. Although, I had a car and it's funny when you wrote you wanted to know how people can have things, well that's all I had and I've been paying on it for 5 years. It will be paid off in Sept. It looks good cause I keep in cleaned in the outside. It would take too long to explain my life but I have to tell you and I would be happy to be a cheerleader for you and tell you don't, Don't, Don't give up. I on the other hand wanted to commit suicide, so many times. I raised two awesome kids they live in Davie (Ft. Lauderdale)but I don't have an education. Although I got my Real estate license 2 yrs ago. didn't know what the hell I was going to do with it in this economy but Rob I have to tell you last week literally I got a job that is paying 30k a year. Now if you only knew the shit luck that I have had for 3 years or more. This is such an amazing thing. I am not trying to brag because I still don't believe it (sort-of). I worked last week- my first week. But, I'm afraid that it won't last. I put 110% of myself because I don't want to lose it. I currently have 45.00 to my name right now and next week when I get paid it will be two weeks of paid. I'm stun, still. I always thought hard work would pay off and I didn't believe for a few years that anything would change as much as I tried. I would work at home depot, I would work doing anything to have some money and now, really 4 yrs later, it happened to me. Good luck! or hard work or whatever. But, Rob, you keep on keeping on and keep doing what your doing and I would like to promise you but I can't but I hope you can have the faith and believe things will change, Rob. I'm not a religious person but talking to God helps, too. I swear, since I have been telling God how grateful I am to be with him and I'm glad I didn't commit suicide, I'm really glad I didn't. My kids and sister's all knew that I wanted to so many times. But, I've make it. I've pulled myself up from the dredges of bottom not once but many times. Rob, as you said in the column that your ambitious, and hard working. You are going to be GREAT! I just know it, Rob. You hang tough and you will come out ahead. I'll be rutting for you, Rob. Stay well.
I get it.....had a roof over my head...leaking....very little food to eat.....worked four part time jobs....had NO phone...NO computer...NO blog....it is very hard.....don't give up....I recommend (don't shoot me) church or a missions center......I'm so much better off now....church helped...prayer helped....goodwill...salvation army.....good luck...God be with you.....I would send you the good nails if you think it would help.....betsy.
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